I've felt quite melancholy over the past couple of days and only just started to realise why.
It's been exhausting, and driven me crazy, but I will always remember this year with love. The year we stopped and spent time together.
Its helped keep my little ones little, with few outside influences, shut away from the world. Safe.
And now I have to let go.
I've had 3 big roles as I see it in recent years. Not unusual things, but everything feels like an achievement for me at times, even little things. Up to the summer I was working, and being a mum and all that entails. Then working from home, and home schooling and all that entails. Then keeping my little family going as the pandemic continued and all that entails, including being a diplomat, a peace keeper, negotiator, plicatior, energiser, chef, cheif snack provider, activity suggester, mood raiser etc.
But now what? I've loved having my family wrapped around me. Difficult yes, but I've loved keeping them all safe and close, being responsible for their well being.
What will my role be when they go back to school? I've had to give up work, so things don't return to normality for me.
Yes I will be needed but not a million times a day to get logged on, to encourage a more detailed paragraph or forming letters correctly, or a hug when needed during the day or a snack to keep going. And that's as well all the other roles needed to be filled and already mentioned.
It's been so hard it's driven me to tears. I need it to be over, everyone needs life to move on, including me. But my role recently has been multi fold and intrinsic to everyone and everything. And, perhaps the biggest thing - it's allowed me to over look or more easily put to the back of my head, my seemingly constant decline.
What do I focus on now?
