How do you live in the moment? (18 July 2021)

Be mindful they say.

Live in the moment. 

Meditate. 

Mmmm.

I try to be positive and live life to the fullest I can. But several things get in the way of a positive mindset.

Reminders are everywhere about the reality faced every day... how challenging it is just to walk from the sink to the fridge, getting changed from swimming, collecting the kids from school, normal things. Then regular routine things you have to do, meds, procedures that slap you in your face several times a day; so that no matter how positive your day is going you're rudely brought back down to earth.

Then there is the seemingly continuous downward spiral. Theres a poem I once read about the last times, and you don't realise at the time. It's about parenting, so the last time you have to lift your child the help them post a letter for example. You don't realise at the time that it will be the final time, the moment passes unnoticed. Last month I did a walk from my house round about. My husband does it most days and thinks nothing of it. I dont think I could do that now. And these things happen all the time, and I do notice. 

I love the things I do, and appreciate them massively, but it seems that happiness is often tinged with grief. 

But I know I'm lucky, and feel selfish for being down. I also want to be a positive, happy influence on my kids life. I find it hard. Another thing I feel I fail at often.

Live in the moment.

Happy for what is, sad for what is already lost....and what will inevitably be lost next. But not wanting to miss the positives of now.

Finding things tough going.

#ms #mumwithms #talesofamumwithms #disability #lifegoeson

Wheelchairs (July 2021)

So, as the world tries to return to normal, I find myself pondering electric wheelchairs. 

Many years ago a dr told me to get over myself and use a stick, it will help you save energy. He was right.

I find myself more and more realising that I dont do things, miss out, or push myself too hard which ends in disaster; either because I struggle to get home, or I am exhausted and unable to move - no exaggeration. 

I always said I dont want to be stopped from doing things. Last week I was unable to watch my son play his match. So I need to get over myself and get something that will help.

All that sounds logical and very straight forward. But of course, as with most things, things are not that simple. 

There is the emotional struggle, very selfishly - what it will mean for me. But also it is a massive big deal for my family. They didn't ask for any of this, but then, I suppose, neither did I.

I know they will get used to it. It will just take time, and adjustments. Understanding how much adjusting is also difficult for those around me.

Up until now, my stubbornness,  strength, and determination have enabled me to mask how difficult I was finding things physically. But I am no longer able to cover it up, so the jump for others to see is massive; from seemingly managing, to really not coping with basic mobility at all.

So, get it sorted woman.

#ms #mumwithms #talesofamumwithms #disability #lifegoeson