Be mindful they say.
Live in the moment.
Meditate.
Mmmm.
I try to be positive and live life to the fullest I can. But several things get in the way of a positive mindset.
Reminders are everywhere about the reality faced every day... how challenging it is just to walk from the sink to the fridge, getting changed from swimming, collecting the kids from school, normal things. Then regular routine things you have to do, meds, procedures that slap you in your face several times a day; so that no matter how positive your day is going you're rudely brought back down to earth.
Then there is the seemingly continuous downward spiral. Theres a poem I once read about the last times, and you don't realise at the time. It's about parenting, so the last time you have to lift your child the help them post a letter for example. You don't realise at the time that it will be the final time, the moment passes unnoticed. Last month I did a walk from my house round about. My husband does it most days and thinks nothing of it. I dont think I could do that now. And these things happen all the time, and I do notice.
I love the things I do, and appreciate them massively, but it seems that happiness is often tinged with grief.
But I know I'm lucky, and feel selfish for being down. I also want to be a positive, happy influence on my kids life. I find it hard. Another thing I feel I fail at often.
Live in the moment.
Happy for what is, sad for what is already lost....and what will inevitably be lost next. But not wanting to miss the positives of now.
Finding things tough going.
#ms #mumwithms #talesofamumwithms #disability #lifegoeson
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