What Makes You You? (Nov 2020)

So many things that I thought made me me are changing. Are changing or have changed.

I am a teacher. I was a teacher. I have just gone through ill health retirement. The sense of loss is massive. I have only ever taught. Only ever wanted to teach. I feel like part of my identity has gone. Part of me. 

I am going through applications for disability benefits. Spending time talking through things I have to deal with every day. All things I cannot do. Ways my body let's me down. This focusses on elements which I don't want to define me. Is this me now? 

I have moved house. I am now in a different area. Different school, different playground pick up. I struggle in, what do these other parents at pick up see from behind their masks? A new parent? A new parent with mobility issues who uses sticks.? A disabled mum who stumbles? All are correct. Only 1 comes close to me. The me that I want to be addressed. A new parent. But is that the first thing that's seen?

What makes me me? What did I bring with me to my new house, my new home? What did I leave behind? As my abilities decrease am I loosing what makes me me? What is the core of me? My essence. Me. 

#identity #disabity #mumwithms #future #whatmakesme